i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
