I think i peed on brittanys purse
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
