I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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