My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
