If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
