i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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