if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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