Your face is a jimmy john
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
