YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
