She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
