i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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