The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize