a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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