I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you never un-have a 4some
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
