Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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