I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize