Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
