I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
