They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
