I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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