Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
