So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
