i wish my penis had a tongue
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
