If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
