i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
