No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize