we have pet lesbian snakes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
