I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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