How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
