waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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