She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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