Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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