Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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