I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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