How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
