the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
