dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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