I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Quick, to the slutcave!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
