9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
