She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
