operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
a search helicopter?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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