so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
