Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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