so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
