Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
