i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
