We need to rekindle our bromance
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
