Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
