Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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