I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize