using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
home. puking in laundry basket.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
