'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
