I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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