I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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