My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
