i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
