So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
