I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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