Kiss
Puke
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
